Wood now a “real” candidate

Tuesday, 19 May 2009, 5:26 pm
Press Release: Jackson Wood
Wood now a “real” candidate

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Jackson James Wood, long time Hurricanes fan and part-time model, is now officially an official candidate in the offical by-election for the Mt Albert electorate. He had considered running in the un-official by-election but considered this would be a blow to not only his credibility but also his chances of actually winning.

“It was a great relief to finally get the nomination and payment handed in. All this with only 38 minutes to spare”, Wood said.

“Mad props go out to my Mt Albert homies who I tricked into signing… errr, I mean supported me throughout my campaign so far.”

Wood initially had some trouble completing the Ministry of Justice form. Missing out key points of information. Such as his name, current electorate and favorite dinosaur. The situation was exacerbated by his campaign team’s inability to work a fax machine.

“My Auckland team was having trouble figuring out how to use the fax machine. It turns out that not only do you have to have the paper upside down, but you need power on at the mains.”

Wood then took a moment to remind the voters what was important about the by-election.

“It’s about staying on-message and repeating palatable soundbites. It’s about making a fuss about largely unnecessary capital development projects to score political points. It’s about showcasing your opponents faux-pas while throwing attention from the fact that you don’t really have any concrete policy yourself,” Wood harrumphed.

“But most of all, it’s about outsider candidates with no vested interest in the area throwing themselves at a rich, complacent, left-wing voting electorate in a frantic effort to lend their party more legitimacy by having an electorate MP – or, failing that, split the vote.

“Thus, I have thrown my hat into the ring,” Wood concluded, before charging into the sunset, fist aloft, followed by adoring crowds chanting “Wood! Wood! Wood!”

ENDS


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