Tuesday, 12 May 2009, 2:21 pm
Press Release: Jackson Wood
Jackson James Wood Floats New Solution To Waterview Connection
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Mount Albert candidate and unlicensed driver Jackson James Wood today applauded the decision of Transport Minister Steven Joyce not to fund a tunnel through the Mount Albert electorate, while simultaneously expressing concern that the most logical solution is being ignored.
Wood became visibly distressed as he railed against both the tunnel and motorway options, accusing all other candidates as backward-thinking and unimaginative.
“Rather than the solutions proposed by any of the other candidates, we should instead look into a series of zeppelins. A motorist can strap their car to the bottom to be dropped off on the other side. This saves demolishing any houses, and in fact meets all the concerns raised by other candidates.
“As such, I hope this solution can gain cross-party support.
“In keeping with the theme, where Mount Albert is named after the very forgettable husband of a very powerful woman, specifically Queen Victoria, I would propose naming this new route the Peter Davis Skyway.”
Larger zeppelins will be provided to move buses, consistent with Green Party requests for further public transport.
In concluding the press conference, Wood sought to comment briefly on a press release by fellow candidate John Boscawen. “While I appreciate your description of the election as a two-horse race, this is somewhat unfair on the other candidates. However I could not agree more that the two of us certainly have very similar chances.”
For further comment or zeppelin-filling quantities of hot air, contact: Jackson James Wood, Candidate.